THE GAME – AT 8:14 A.M. ET:   It is over.  The Seattle Seahawks devoured the favored Denver Broncos to win the Super Bowl. 

Various wireless reports inform me that the result has thrown Seattle into deep crisis.  As you know, it is a leftist city made up largely of Maoists from San Francisco seeking cheaper housing.  It has a socialist on its city council.  I do not wish to live there.

I understand that the socialists are traumatized by their city's "victory."  That is a word they hate, a word they associate with oppression by capitalist societies and the warmongering ruling classes.  They wish they hadn't won.  They are comfortable being losers.  Losers are the good people.  A petition is being circulated by the Lenin Lions, a local booster group, to declare both Super Bowl teams winners, in the spirit of multiculturalism and inter-city equality, and to suppress nationalist cravings.

There is also deep upset in Seattle because the intelligentsia has discovered that the team's name is the Seahawks.  If that isn't militarism, I don't know what is.  City nurturers (they don't call them fathers) are demanding a probe into how that name was adopted.  They want it changed to the Seattle Peace Pigeons.   And they don't want players to have numbers any longer.  Numbers suggest elitist rankings.  They want every player to wear the number "0." 

I've already seen e-mails from some prominent Seattle leftists demanding that the cheerleaders wear burkas.  I can't wait for the group photo.

February 3, 2014